Posted by: powellsinsantacruz | June 18, 2013

Out of control

Sometimes we think of sin as an easy concept, but there are different ways to define it- missing the mark, independence, doing bad things, living without reference to God. One way is to think of sin as setting ourselves up as our own gods- making it all about us, wanting to be in control of everything ourselves. And wanting to be in control doesn’t always seem like a bad thing. I sometimes get a lift back home on the back of David’s motorbike and having to totally trust someone else, while feeling very unprotected on the roads of Santa Cruz which are filled with crazy drivers, some of whom don’t even know what they are going to do next, is scary. I imagine it would be slightly easier if I had control of the bike.

With Evie’s adoption, apart from the actual receiving and taking care of Evie (which is actually the most important thing by far, but we need to remind ourselves of that) we have never been remotely in control. There seem to have been problems at every stage- I can’t even remember what some of the problems were now, but it has nearly got to the two year mark and the current problem is getting in touch with Evie’s birth mother.

Our lawyer needs to get in touch with her to arrange her audience with the Judge where she will confirm her decision for Evie to be adopted. This is proving hard to do. Her phone is not working; we’re not sure where she is. And we are out of control. Again. The key part of this meeting with the Judge is between the birth mother and the Judge, in a sense we have little to do with it, our turn will come later. And so it is out of our hands. And we find this hard. To be honest we would prefer if everything depended on us, was just up to us. Then we could achieve it, finish it, work hard and get it done!

But then it all becomes about us, and not about God. And that is sin, right? And the answer to this is faith- accepting that it is out of our control, but it is still under God’s.

And then it becomes easy to berate ourselves for not having enough faith, and trying to be in control of our faith. And then my head starts to hurt as I go round in circles.

Instead we want to trust the only one who is in control, to depend on Him, not be independent. And accept that, actually, it is okay to be out of control. Let’s accept that we’re not the ones driving this particular motorbike on this long journey of adoption.



  1. I know Ben. I am very much in control at work and am treated as the expert who can advise on strategy and answer all the questions. When it comes to my grand daughter Evie I feel helpless and can only join you and Roz as we lean on our Lord for help. Love, dad

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